I Ran, Now My Nose Wont Stop Running, So I Sniffed A Sharpie

Today was excellent. I am not sure if the excellence is due to the fabulous news that I received yesterday, or because I drank 2 tall teas and all that caffeine is flowing in my blood stream (I took a hiatus from coffee, but decided I needed something tall, dark and hot today - my first notion was nowhere to be found, so I settled with tea.)

Anyway, I ran today (I can officially call it a run according to treadmill rules). I ran a whole mile without stopping at 6mph, which equals a 10 minute mile, holla at ya girl! Then, after hopping off to stretch, I continued to run 5 more minutes at 6mph. Now, I know for "runners" this is sissy talk, but for me (who's middle name is 'no endurance') this is huge. I feel like I still have a chance at getting up to a full 5K.

The only problem now is that I seemed to have shaken something loose whilst running. Something in my nose because it WONT stop running. It has been running since 5pm. So I had to deal with the ridiculousness at belly dancing lessons. Seriously, there is nothing more childish than having a nose that runs like a 4 year old when you aren't even sick. Then, when I try to hold off the stream, it backs up into my eye and I start sneezing and watering up. Really? You know people were ticked at me making all that noise, they probably assumed I was sick and was doubly pissed (especially with H1N1).

Anyway, I found a solution online...sniffing Sharpies! http://www.tipking.co.uk/tip/2854.html

Such a druggie move. However, it worked temporarily. But I looked like a hype huffing the marker. Now, since I can still feel a piece in the back of my nose that gets triggered by a gust of wind, I decided on a more permanent solution...jamming Vick's rub inside. I have never done that before, and the initial burning made me a little fearful, but now I am fine. That piece is still being irritated, but the menthol is acting like a barrier.

Belly Dancing:

Class numero two was better than the first one. Mainly because there was less women there, and it was more organized. We all had to pull Goddess cards when we signed in, and ironically, I pulled the Hekate - The Dark Goddess (so perfect b/c 1. I am thee only Blackie in the class, 2. I was dressed in all black like the omen, and 3. the bottom of the card had something to the effect of "seeker of knowledge from deep sources") Impressive, but random. Plus, we never did anything with them besides give them back at the end of the class. Oh, and the woman I am in competition with was back. When the class switched, and had the people in the back go to the front, and vice versa, she definitely stayed up front and I gave her the stank face. She also had the audacity to try to help me with my chest circles, uh uh honey, I got dis. Aside from that, I finally accomplished Lotus hands, WOOT!

And my mentee actually wanted to talk to me today. She was in a visibly better mood. Or have I really been the one in a crazy depressive funk, and I just realized the world was happily living while I sulked. I have been really questioning that lately. Or is it because I called the therapist and asked her is the girl even liked having as a mentor, and she may have mentioned something. There is no way for me to know, but I'll take it.

I suppose the decent thing would be to tell why my life has brightened up so much. It is because God is so good. I received a call yesterday telling me that I could put my kit fee on the same loan, and start classes at Aveda with no money down. Seriously, a week before classes start. So I am going to sign my enrollment form tomorrow, and orientation is on Friday (where I get to pick up my kit!!!) I feel like my life is on track again. I have been pulled from the midst of my quarterlife crisis, and set back on solid ground. God is SO GOOD.

I realize that I am adding to my current student debt, but this just feels right. I know everything is going to be okay once I start my real life. This is my purpose. And all I had to do was start acting like I had some faith. God has clearly been speaking to me for a while now about not being part of a church and frantically looking for events and organizations or jobs to fill my free time. I finally stopped worrying, stopped trying to find organizations to fill my emptiness, and tried out a new church...and then kablamo, my prayers are answered. All God wanted was an honest attempt. Now I have to find a way to negotiate out of, or reschedule the gaggle of volunteer stints I have applied for, the new job I applied for, and I have to keep searching for a church home.

Sidebar: I tried a calvary chapel, and it wasn't a good fit. I appreciated the fact that they read straight from the Bible, from Genesis to Revelations, verse by verse. It was all very intellectual. But I definitely didn't feel a sense of welcome from the members. Only the women spoke to me, and all but 2 seemed apprehensive. I also felt like I was on trial for coming. People really wanted to know why and how I got there. As a matter of fact, it was funny, cause the whole ~30 person congregation consisted of Southern California transplants. I was the only Black person, aside from the blind piano player. And the pastor definitely decided to input his own personal politics into his address (the minute he started the schpeel with "I read on Fox News" my face turned to a grimace).

So with that - I will be going to Aveda to sign my enrollment papers tomorrow. And life will be all flowers and moonstones.

Hip Hop, Hip Drop

Fabulous night.

I have officially started belly dancing lessons on a whim. They are every Tuesday night for six weeks, and only six bucks a class...and it is something that I can do with my mentee. Anyway, as I was saying, it was fantabulous. I felt so empowered (girl power, woot), fit, and not to mention sexy! What a great way to stop my psychotic internet use, and actually get out and meet people.

I mean, I definitely purchased the "hip hop, hip drop" workout DVD years ago to learn the basics before I actually embarked on a class with real people. (Clearly, I am not the type that enjoys group workouts for the hell of it...I am too competitive for that.) Seriously, I have been talking about doing a real class for a good four years. Actually, I take it back, I know the exact reason why I didn't...me being overweight...I just can't be sexy when my stomach looks like a melting ice cream cone.

Anyway, I definitely turned into the person that takes themselves way too seriously in the class. I immediately located the one student that looked authentic and knew what she was doing, and sparked a silent hip roll competition. I mean seriously, she wore the bells and only had a sports bra on in addition to swinging around her long, black curls and always doing extra moves in the mirror. (I seriously sound like an ultra-hater right now, LOL). I mean, I am a self professed dancer and I am Black.

Sadly, I soon forgot about my mentee, and moved to the front of the packed class to grab some mirror space right by the instructor. Unlike everyone else who laughed off the instructors constructive criticism, I waited specifically for the silent nod of approval and awe at how quickly I learned the new move. But when she criticized me there was no laughing, no smile, just a fierce attempt at correction to gain the approving nod. (Man, if I didn't know myself before, it was completely clear after tonight.) As a matter of fact, I think I childishly and subconsciously distanced myself from my mentee because she was struggling so much and wearing jeans.

Anyway, tonight was a 98% success. I definitely could not get the "Lotus Hands" move, and I was pissed (my cries of defeat and desperation were very audible over the "tribal music" that our instructor liked to refer to). I mean, it was THEE simplest move. Move my damn hands in the figure eight motion above my head, period. But I was incapable. I looked like I was trying to untie a knot above my head. Definitely not the graceful move I was going for. I suppose I wasn't the only person struggling, but it seemed like it. So the instructor moved on and told "those of us" who were having trouble to practice it off youtube.

Speaking of body comfort, there was a wide range of female form in that room (and someone keep childishly letting SBD's, thinking they wouldn't be found out since there were like 30 people in a dorm sized room). I mean, a good fourth of the women were bearing midriff with their bells, and not all of them had flat stomachs. As a matter of fact, the instructor had a straight pooch, but let that ish hang. It was so hot that I thought about letting it free (especially since it no longer hangs over my pants), but then reality slapped me - it isn't about the stomach, its about the belly button. And mine definitely makes a frown face - not awesome. I mean, even people with a little chub had a circle or a spiral, but for some reason Mr. Bad Attitude still resides in the middle of my body. So, in essence, no midriff for me...yet - because the work we do in that class is about to have me ripped. (Ripped enough to match the new neck muscles I have gained from sporting 3lb. weave for over a month in addition to my usual head size.)

So anyway, I am hooked...now if I only I had someone to show my moves to...


Aside: Please pray for the bereaved families and raped women in Guinea. This tragedy just breaks my heart.

"As I Lay Crying"

Wow. Today sucked (I am getting worried, this is starting to become a trend...actually, this is always how my public posts become, no se porque). I haven't felt like this since I lost the presidential election in third grade because the opposition was two years older and paid off the kindergartners with candy.

Today was my day of reckoning. I left work (my SHARED office), drove 20 minutes, just to walk into my future and kiss it goodbye. aka - I drove to the Aveda Institute and had a real talk session with the admissions counselor. Of course, I had already had this convo with my sisters, and was pretty set on rescheduling my start date to January, but the lady was so willing to work with me. I got the monthly payments lowered by half, and I managed to invent a payment plan to handle the kit fee, however the woman told me I should enjoy my time and not be stressed out over money. She was so nice. We changed my start date and she gave me her cell number in case something came up (or I fell on a money tree). I have to be responsible - and honestly it is super hard to do when I am so used to acting impulsively on things I want (probably why I am in the situation I am in now). I absolutely cannot afford more school at this present moment (unless someone wants to give me a scholarship). I actually need to enroll into financial management college because the only strategy I am currently using is the ignore it and maybe it will disappear method (and I am devastated to admit it, because, at one point, I was one of the most fiscally responsible people ever - but the first step in conquering any problem is to admit it.)

I feel like going back to any school at this point, but I think that is a flee mechanism. So instead, I am trying to pray and look for real jobs, and I am not happy about it. I just have no idea what job it will be - I mean, I have some major standards (especially after accepting another internship when I have a Master's degree, shit). At the moment, I am thinking college recruiter or market analyst for a sales division (a good use of my skill set, and something I would enjoy).

Sidebar: I hate when people say "God" and then follow it up with "or who ever you believe in". Eff that. Eff P.C.ness. God is right, don't be apologetic and accommodating. I need to go overseas for awhile where people keep it real. End Sidebar.

So Harvard is starting a practical doctorate in Educational Leadership for people who want to transform the educational system, and I want in. The inaugural class will be inducted Fall 2010, and they are paying everything including a stipend to all the students. I would love to be in on that, however, I do not believe I have the experience they are looking for...oh well, it's worth a try.

As of now, though, I am thinking about taking finance classes at the local JuCo. I want my associate's in finance so I can work as a financial counselor (first for myself) but then for others. I am just frustrated, because the education I have ascertained so far isn't really technical. It is more conceptual and fuzzy, so I can't really teach it to people yet.

It feels so good to help people. I am friends with one of the maintenance ladies, who come in to clean after the workday is over. I have helped her out before, but yesterday, I filled out an online application for her husband because they don't have a computer at home and there is a language barrier on some of the questions since they just moved here from Vietnam. The greatest part...we ordered her some shoes online afterwards. They were really cute.

Had a great idea at work. I am going to start a colored professional dating service for the 3% of us in Iowa - at least in the central part. I think it is going to be a mix of PlayDate and Millionaire Matchmaker.

Okay, I have to head to bed, since I have to be at a conference at 6:45am tomorrow. :-| It better be good. Sidenote - I am going to get there extra early for good parking, and so I can hopefully finish reading Candide.

Wednes-day of Disappointment

I'll be damned if this isn't one of thee shittiest days in a long time. I think I'll use this post as a tool of reflection while I down Smart One's ice cream cups and ice my knee.

Work:
Official whomp. Background - I was definitely two days away from a pink slip about a week ago. I really dislike my job, and I know 80% of people say that, but when I don't like something, I just don't do it (a really bad habit I developed in grad school). This is not to say I don't need the money, cause Lawd knows I do. I just despise technical writing (actually, any writing that I don't initiate on my own). Avoidance of a communications job was the exact reason I chose marketing as a major - give me research, numbers and people...NO WRITING.

Anyway, ever since the "step your game up" conversation, my boss likes to come and check on me more often (hold on, correction, the lady that thinks she is my boss. Cause technically, I do NOT work for her. Her boss actually hired me, so really we report to the same boss. However, that chick is NEVER there. I have been completely disregarded as an intern - no more trips, or free dinners, or even conversations as I think about it.) So yea, I am about fed up with this position.

Last Friday, I was made aware of a new development in the form of me getting an office mate. Straight face. It's MY office. Now I hear the arguments - you are an intern, you should be happy to have a door, etc. BUT there is a perfectly good office that the summer interns shared at the end of the hallway. So why, all of a sudden, am I expected to share? The person currently in the back office only works during the morning, so she could have that space to herself. But I am sure that thought never crossed anyones mind. Honestly, I am okay with a roommate. Hopefully, I will feel more obligated to be on task (cause I honestly despise being a slacker), I just hope she likes the heat, cause I keep my office set on 80 degrees AND I wont be taking my pictures down. Hmph.

Other unacceptable work happenings:
1. Somehow, my floor is adding new people like crazy. So, someone pulling more rank than me got hired a month ago. Instead of asking me, two of the administraters definitely waltzed their happy asses into MY office to figure out what they could take. You should have seen my face. I KNOW they saw my ish on the shelves, that means DON'T TOUCH. Anyway, I was giving them the crazy eye until they walked out, and I sweetly shut the door. Best believe my furniture is still there...only, I have to give up a shelf now.

2. The the English-anal people definitely criticized a man who saved someones life because he used incorrect grammar. (I know I am a stickler for proper grammar and spelling, but come on, he was a hero for crying out loud.)

3. The lady who thinks she is my boss definitely googled my name, read my LinkedIn page, and had me make edits to my public profile regarding my job description. That's okay, I am changing it back right after I quit. The nerve.

4. During the pink slip conversation, the lady who thinks she is my boss definitely told me I should invest in a blackberry. AHEM, I hope she plans on paying for it. I am sure she is aware I am making less than half of what I made a summer ago. Pen and Paper works just fine for me.

**Seriously, how did I possible spend an effin' boat load of loan money on a degree that is getting me paid peanuts. Not even an effin benefit in site. WTF!...actually, I spoke too soon. The $16 gym membership is a benefit of getting my ass in shape so I can go strip and make some real money.


Beauty School:
So I have to try and laugh about this one to keep from crying. I had a "keep it trill" conversation with my sister the other day about the cost of me attending beauty school in T-1 month. The conclusion: I can't afford it.

Technically, I can take out a loan through the school, however, the interest rate is 15% AND I would have to begin monthly payments ASAP...not to mention my current educational loans that will NOT be deferred while I am taking classes. Even with all of this laid out, I was willing to keep digging a hole to China in the hopes that Obama will fill it with money.

The clincher came as a result of the front-end cost for my personal kit that has to be paid in full on the first day. For some reason, the already enormous loan of $19,000 doesn't already include the kit fee. I have to reach up my butt and pull out $1,500 in less than 40 days. Hmmm, dilemma? I think so. As succinctly as possible - I don't have it. And will not be able to get it, due to my past love affair with credit cards and travel. So, it looks like no beauty school, at least until January. Excuse me as I grab my tissue.

So I have been presented with a variety of other options:
1. Wait until January, when I will have my shit together.
2. Attend a second-rate school (I added second-rate, cause it will never happen. Aveda's in my soul)
3. Move the hell out of Iowa, and attend Aveda in North Carolina where I can actually get federal support (aka FAFSA), the program is shorter, and I actually want to be there long term.

**I am a little salty either way though. I definitely paid that $200 app fee out my pocket. Should have done some soul-searching earlier.

Anyway, I have quite a bit to think(cry) about.

In the meantime, I have to figure out what the hell I am going to do for money. I already told my current job that I am dropping down to 3 days a week starting October. So that leaves me with time on my hands...

The Next Move:

So in reaction to my disappointment, I have begun looking for a new position. One that pays at least the peanut wage I am currently making, but I actually want to enjoy it. I was searching craigslist this weekend, when I found the perfect job as a spa desk representative http://desmoines.craigslist.org/spa/1353016613.html . I should have effin' knew better. Cause this isn't the first time I have had my ass handed to me. After spending hours developing the perfect cover letter (a fine mix of enthusiasm and professionalism), updating my resume, and editing a recommendation, I emailed the application. I was proud (and I definitely finished it at work - I keep creeping towards that pink slip) and excited to hear back from the poster, a supposed "Lisa Young", when almost instantaneously I received a return email telling me to fill out this B.S. application site. Wow, the joke was on me. I googled the site, and all kinds of "hoax" and "scam" posts popped up. NOOOOOOOOOOOO! The job was such a perfect fit, but I should have known better, the name of the organization wasn't included in the post. I HATE craigslist liars.

So yea, no job. I walked in the house after work, and my Mom is all like, "did you send in your application?" All I could do was straight face.

Although, to make myself feel better, I re-hashed my app and sent it in to another local spa. I pray I can at least get a holla back. I mean, I understand beggars can't be choosers, but I'm not desperate yet. I can hold out on all of the "happy birthday bill collectors" as long as my phone is on silent.

Exercise:
WHOMP. I was getting it on Monday and Tuesday, but today, not so much. A mixture of depression, incredulity, and a grapefruit sized knee cap forced me away from the gym. Seriously, I am gonna start getting my knee drained, cause gelatinousness is not gonna cut it.

Miscellaneous:
Fail - I spent time with my mentee yesterday. It was supposed to be "makeover" night, but it turned into 2 hours trying to curl her hair in the bathroom instead. I felt so lame. After hyping it all up, her hair ended up as flat as it started. All I did was give her a side part. WHOMP. Maybe I'm just not cut out to do white people hair. Anyway, her nails were fly.

Housemaid's Knee

Medically known as prepatellar bursitis, http://orthopedics.about.com/cs/patelladisorders/a/kneebursitis.htm, is the current ailment impinging on my fitness regime. 

Wait, actually, I should welcome you to my new outlet for expressing myself so I don't kill something. After much inspiration and encouragement from my friends, I have decided to resume the keyboard in a public manner. End Aside.

Like I was saying, the title of this entry is my attempt at explaining away the fact that I sat in the same spot for more than 12 hours today (with breaks only to use the bathroom, eat, and minimally support my parents as they cleaned out the garage) mostly looking at FB, astrology websites, and new job op's on craigslist. I wasted a whole day that I should have been doing work (to guard against a very near pink slip), putting clothes away, or writing a cover letter.

Mainly, my anger is due to the week I have officially delayed my 5K challenge. I should have been finishing week 6 of the "couch to 5K" challenge http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml, but I definitely stopped running to let my knees heal up a bit. Let this be a testament to the dangers of school-based sports - I wouldn't be in this predicament if the coaches understood that I had NO experience with basketball, despite a 6' stature. So instead of being taught the fundamentals, or better yet, not playing at all, I would try to be part of the team, only to jump and clumsily land on my poor, delicate kneecaps.

Now, I live with the consequences of my actions every fall-winter in the form of swollen and painful knee's. However, I firmly declare that I WILL NOT be using the ridiculous braces...no need to continually explain my clumsiness to a rando who looks at me with disgust because I am the epitome of "a waste of height and potential."

Fitness aside, I haven't eaten much since Thursday (due to nerves and over-analysis), but made up for three days, after my epiphany, with todays incessant snacking ritual (Damn the birthday cake, bugles, and reeses cups). So, I wont be on the scale until I complete a hardcore workout session.

So, alas, after a full day of collecting inconsequential inputs for my mind, I am going to attempt to leave the house for some much needed entertainment and amusement on the sidewalks of DMI...the only question is, "Where will this occur?"...definitely NOT at the Paul Wall/White Party where you don't really have to wear white.